The Wizarding World of Dudley Dursley
by KeepingUpDisappearances
Summary: Vernon and Petunia are called to a London hospital after Marge Dursley crosses paths with a lorry. In their panic, they accidentally leave Dudley home alone with Harry, who now has an opportunity to get back at his cousin for his years of bullying. Things take a wrong turn, however, when Dudley attempts to use Harry's wand. (Moderately A/U, but Sirius will still be included)
1. Dudley's Unknown Secret

Harry Potter looked into the empty driveway of Number 4, Privet Drive, and grinned widely. He couldn't believe it—he was alone with Dudley, and there was no one to stop him from using magic to tease his cousin. He could get back at Dudley for all of these years of bullying.

Uncle Vernon had received an urgent phone call to go to a hospital in London. His sister, Marge, had been 'sideswiped' by a lorry as she was crossing the street to the pet store (her favorite bulldog, Ripper, was out of treats). Marjorie Dursley was, unfortunately, as overweight and heavy as her brother, so even walking across the street had taken quite an effort. The lorry driver had tried his best to avoid her, but couldn't. She was too slow.

A panicky Uncle Vernon had raced out with Aunt Petunia, who would drive the car, as Vernon was in no state to do it himself. In their alarm and hurry, they'd left Dudley and Harry alone together; normally, when they went out, they either took Dudley with them and locked Harry in his room, or left Dudley behind and still locked Harry in his room.

"Perfect," Harry said under his breath, and treading ever so lightly, slipped into the hallway and used a knife to pick open a locked closet, where his wand and school books were kept away from him (or so the Dursley's thought; Harry was now an expert lock-picker). Taking the wand, he walked casually into the kitchen, where Dudley was eating a huge slice of pizza, a bowl of ice cream, and a soda, his eyes glued to the television at the same time.

"Hello, Dudley," Harry said casually.

"Don't bother trying to scare me," Dudley said, tearing his eyes from the television. "You can't do magic—you'll be expelled by the Magic Ministration thingy."

"So you'd think," Harry said cryptically, picking an apple from a basket on the table and munching it lazily. "So you'd think."

Dudley twitched and shrank back a little. "What do you mean?"

"You're not _entirely_ right about the whole being expelled thing," Harry said airily.

Several times Dudley opened his mouth, as if to speak, and then shut it again. At last, however, even the thought of what Harry might do wasn't enough to curb his frustrated curiosity.

"What, you can't be expelled, after all?"

"I'm allowed to perform certain spells for—practice," Harry said in an off-handed tone.

"But after you floated that pudding over Mrs. Mason's head and made it drop—"

Harry didn't tell his cousin that a house-elf had actually performed the spell, but he nodded.

"The _Masons_ don't know about magic," Harry said. "But it's different now. You know I'm a wizard, and so okay to practice spells in front of you. Seriously."

This was true. It was a technicality in the complex Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Magic.

Harry got great amusement in watching Dudley try to sort out this new bit of information and slipped away. After several seconds, Dudley looked a bit more intelligent and stared at Harry.

"W-what kind of s-spells are you allowed to p-practice?" Dudley asked, trembling.

"Basic spells. _Accio…wigardium leviosa…lumos…_I can even try _petrificus totalis _if I do it on an insect."

Harry knew that these wouldn't make any sense to Dudley, but he couldn't help showing off a bit.

"Are those real spells?" Dudley said suspiciously.

Harry drew out his wand and grinned wickedly.

"_Accio_ Dudley's pizza!"

Dudley stared in alarm as the huge slice of pizza flew out of his hand; it splatted against a wall, and flew to Harry, who ducked and quickly relaxed his hand. The pizza slice floated in the air for a moment, and Harry picked it up and handed it back to Dudley.

"I'm not eating that _now!_" Dudley snapped. "_You've_ touched that. And that spell wasn't very good, was it?"

"I need to work on that one," Harry said, who knew Dudley's disdain of the spell was just an attempt to cover up his terror. "It's supposed to come to me—not go zooming around the kitchen."

Well, if Dudley didn't want the pizza, Harry decided he might as well make some use of it. With a flourish, Harry, still holding the slice in his left hand, pointed his wand at it, and then said (being sure to pronounce it just as Hermione had instructed):

"_Wingardium levi-OH-sa_!"

The pizza hovered far above their heads, but Dudley, oddly, looked unimpressed, and then Harry remembered his cousin had seen the levitation charm before, in the regrettable incident of the hovering pudding.

"Don't you have anything new?" yawned Dudley.

Harry glanced toward the TV that sat in a corner of the room and suddenly felt impish—perhaps he had spent too much time around Fred and George Weasley, for, as casually as he might change the channel, he aimed his wand at the television and said—

"_Levioso_!"

"You said it wr—" Dudley began (thinking Harry was repeating the levitation charm), but screamed a moment later.

The television floated upward and then stopped, high above the boys' heads, and drifted around the room from corner to corner, like a plastic bottle floating on top of water. Harry lowered his wand, took another sip of soda, and leaned against the table, whistling casually, as if it was perfectly normal to make a television drift around the room above a Muggle's head.

"Bring it down right now!" Dudley yelled.

"Make me," Harry said calmly.

Dudley lunged for his cousin and tried to knock him down. He didn't manage to make Harry fall, but Harry's wand crashed against the table leg, much to Harry's relief—if it had hit the tile floor, it might have broken.

Then, suddenly, Dudley gasped. Harry looked up; the television was threatening to hurtle to the floor. As a result of the scuffle, charm was beginning to break.

"_Imbulbous_—I mean, _immobulus!_" Harry shrieked, thinking of the trouble he'd be in if Dudley's television was smashed to pieces. In his panic, he wasn't concentrating on the spell—the television started to wobble faster…

Suddenly, Harry felt the wand being snatched from his hand; whirling, he saw Dudley raising it toward the television.

"Dudley—no—stop!" Harry cried out.

"_Immobulus_!" Dudley shouted, ignoring him.

Harry groaned; he reached to pull his wand from Dudley's hand—the television was wobbling faster and faster—and Harry wouldn't be able to catch the TV when it fell, it was too heavy—Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia would kill him for breaking precious Diddlykin's favorite television—on top of showing magic to the 'innocent' Muggle boy.

But, to Harry's relief, the television froze in midair. Dudley had performed the immobilizing charm perfectly. It was hovering as delicately as if it was a hummingbird. Now Harry just needed to get the wand back and guide it slowly back onto its stand. Even in his alarmed state, he had to admit that it was really a nice example of _immobulous_. He never would have imagined Dudley could have—

Then realization hit Harry. His eyes grew as round as a Remembralls and he stared at his cousin in a mixture of amazement and horror.

Dudley also seemed to suddenly realize what he was doing. The two cousins looked at each other in consternation and, then they fainted.

There was a shriek from Aunt Petunia and a roar of rage from Uncle Vernon. The older Dursleys had walked into the kitchen just as Dudley had successfully performed the spell.

* * *

**A/U explanation:**

In the books all magic spells and charms are forbidden to underage wizards; but I remember from _Sorcerer's Stone_ that Aunt Petunia telling about Lily turning rats into teacups during her summer vacations (when she was attending Hogwarts).

This was probably contradicted in _Chamber of Secrets_ on purpose— first, because it's reasonable (an inexperienced wizard performing spells is a recipe for disaster), and because it advanced the plot of all post-_Sorcerer's Stone_ books.

Still, I used Aunt Petunia's statement to write this little story. I've always enjoyed the comedy of the rivalry between Harry and Dudley in the early books (it became more serious in _Order of the Phoenix_).

But it isn't over yet. What will Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia's reaction be? What will they do about Dudley's previously unknown talent for magic? And since Dudley does have to ability to do magic, why was he never invited to Hogwarts?

I also modified the effect of the spells a bit.


	2. Aunt Petunia's Confession

I hope y'all enjoy this installment!

I am really excited-my auntie came to visit (I live near Orlando) and she said she might take me to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter at the end of this month!

* * *

It took several seconds for Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia to recover from their shock. Aunt Petunia gently shook Dudley until he came back to consciousness and sat up, looking at his mother in confusion.

"It's all right, Diddlykins," Aunt Petunia said lovingly. "You've just had a nasty fright, but it's over now."

Meanwhile, Uncle Vernon's was trying to bring Harry out of his stupor by throwing ice cubes at him.

"Ow—don't use a freezing spell—on—me—" Harry mumbled almost incoherently as he too sat up and opened her eyes.

"It'd be more than a freezing spell you'd get if I had anything to do with it," Uncle Vernon snarled. "Is there a special prison for wiz—for freaks like you? Because your Ministry'd be right to put you there forever, I'd say that much for them if they did."

Hearing Uncle Vernon's voice took Harry out of his reverie immediately, and felt sick as he looked up his uncle's face. Vernon had turned the color of a cooked lobster, and he was nearly shaking with rage.

"I was only practicing," Harry said primly—just as a loud rapping sound issued from the window above the kitchen sink.

"Dad, there's an owl," Dudley said, looking up from a large piece of cheesecake, which his mother had given to him to (according to her) help him recover from his 'harrowing' experience.

"An owl," Uncle Vernon said; to Harry's amazement, he smiled cheerfully as he wrenched the window open.

"There you are, Owly, got a message for us?" Uncle Vernon in a jocular tone as the pale barn owl held its leg out.

He took a small roll of parchment off of the owl's leg, and closed the window as soon as it had flown away.

There was a name on the outside of the parchment: _VERNON AND PETUNIA DURSLEY, NUMBER 4, PRIVET DRIVE, LITTLE WHINGING, SURREY._

"It's for us!" Uncle Vernon unrolled it with a flourish, smiling nastily at Harry. "It's probably a letter telling us that you're going to court for hypnotizing your cousin into doing magic."

Now Harry knew why his uncle was so cheerful; normally Vernon Dursley became quite worked up when a messenger owl came. He did not approve of this method of communication, and was always suspicious that some sinister message, or even a cursed object, might make its way into the Dursley home.

Uncle Vernon scanned the letter, and then his face went blank. He read (but not out loud):

_Dear Mr. and Mrs. Dursley,_

_It has come to the attention of of the Ministry of Magic's and Wizarding's Underage Magic Regulation Department that a successful Immoblizing Charm was performed by Dudley Dursley, previously registered as a Squib. Because of this successfully performed spell, special late admission to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry has been granted to Master Dudley. A letter from Hogwarts will arrive, listing books and supplies needed. Term begins September 1__st__._

"Harry…Dudley…out…out," Aunt Petunia, who'd been reading over Vernon's shoulder, said hoarsely.

"I want to read that letter," Dudley demanded.

"No—not…yet," Uncle Vernon said nervously.

"Okay," Dudley said bossily, "but I want to read it later."

Harry hung back, wondering why the letter had upset his uncle so much. At that moment, there was a rap on the kitchen window again. He opened it, and a graceful snowy owl, a little smaller than Hedwig, swooped in, dropped a roll of parchment on the floor, and swept away. Aunt Petunia snatched up the parchment before either of the boys could see the Hogwarts crest on it.

"Out—boys—out," Uncle Vernon panted.

Harry and Dudley scurried away; Uncle Vernon slammed and locked the kitchen door, while yelling, "and don't try eavesdropping—I'll be monitoring the door!"

United for a moment in their desperate curiosity about what had sent Vernon and Petunia into such a fluster, the boys looked at each other in frustration and disappointment. After some thinking, however, Dudley said in a low voice:

"I know! Let's go to my parents' room, it's right above the kitchen, and there's a vent, you can hear through it.

So they did. When they got to the room and wiggled close to the vent in the floor, they heard Uncle Vernon, his voice only a little muffled:

"—seen it since that day he wanted cotton candy for lunch, and you wouldn't let him, and he set the kitchen curtains on fire. I thought giving him what he wanted would squelch this. And it's cropped up again! He's one of…_those_."

"What should we do?" Aunt Petunia almost wailed. "I don't want him going _there_. I have high hopes for my Dudders—he might even be Prime Minister!"

Harry stifled a laugh.

"We'll just answer them and say we don't want him to go," Uncle Vernon said.

"But he'll still be a wizard, and if he can't control…" Aunt Petunia's voice trailed off.

"True, true," Uncle Vernon said moodily. "We'll have to be even more careful around him."

Aunt Petunia sighed loudly.

"I think maybe it would get beyond our control," she said. "Maybe we should write to the Hogwarts headmaster, Albus Dumbledore. He's actually very kind. He could help us with our Dudley."

Though Dudley and Harry couldn't see it, of course, Uncle Vernon had turned the color of a cabbage and stared at his wife as if she'd admitted some horrible secret. Aunt Petunia gazed levelly back. It really did sound like a good solution; who else could help Dudley control his 'powers' but an experienced wizard.

"No, my son's not getting mixed up with another wizard!"

Aunt Petunia glared at her husband.

"Dumbledore's our only hope. I'm sure he'd understand that we want another path for our Duddlykins. He was very kind and understanding when I asked if I could be a witch, too, and go with Lil—"

There was a strangled cry from Uncle Vernon, and Aunt Petunia turned pale. She'd never revealed until now—and it was quite by accident this time—that she'd wanted to go to Hogwarts with Lily. Petunia quietly cursed herself for her outburst. What would Vernon think of her? All this time she'd acted as if witches and wizards were despicable, but it had been a front for her jealousy of Lily.

"YOU WANTED TO BE A WITCH?" Uncle Vernon roared.

"Yes!" Aunt Petunia confessed in a nervous, high-pitched voice.

Dudley and Harry stared at each other. Dudley said quietly:

"Things are getting really strange around here."


	3. The Cousins Get Along

The stunning conversation, at least for a time, seemed to have ended the boys' rivalry. Harry and Dudley stared at each other, unable to speak.

"My mum _wanted_ to be a witch?" Dudley said at last in disbelief.

"Now I know why she hated _my_ mum so much," Harry said. "I've always wondered—how Aunt Petunia loathed me so much. Now I realize it _had_ to have been more than just me being a wizard, when I couldn't help it."

"Well, my dad really does loathe you for being a freak."

"You're a 'freak now', too," said Harry coldly.

Dudley startled. "Crap. Now _I'm_ like _you!?_"

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THIS?" they suddenly heard Uncle Vernon roar.

"Quick!" hissed Dudley, "let's go…he might come up here and see we've been listening. Let's go to my room."

"Why—?"

"You'll see."

The two boys hurried into Dudley's room, and then heard Uncle Vernon's heavy tread on the steps.

"YOU MADE ME DO MAGIC!" Dudley suddenly yelled. "YOU DID A SPELL THAT MADE ME DO MAGIC!"

Harry stared. What was Dudley talking about?

"I did not!" he protested. "That's impossible!"

Dudley said under his breath, "Make it look like we've been fighting this whole time…they might wonder why we were so quiet."

Harry was amazed—Dudley had never had had such a clever idea…well…ever. He nodded knowingly and played along, doing a very good job of sounding indignant and angry at Dudley, though this was the first time he _wasn't_ disgusted with his cousin. Harry's acting must have convinced Uncle Vernon, since he came bustling into the room, purple-faced again.

"I DIDN'T! You're just trying to blame me because you're afraid of being a wizard!" Harry was saying.

"You made my Dudley do magic?" Uncle Vernon roared, causing both boys to jump.

Would Uncle Vernon ever go away? Harry suppressed a sigh of frustration. Wait—perhaps he could bore Uncle Vernon into leaving. He remembered from his first year at Hogwarts, Hermione asking the very same thing that Dudley had had 'accused' Harry of doing. _Could_ a witch or wizard channel, at least temporarily, an ability through a Muggle to do magic? In other words, use the Muggle as a 'scapegoat' when performing an illegal spell, such as an Unforgivable Curse?

"This is not possible," said Harry in a monotone voice similar to Professor Binns's. "Magical ability requires concentration only within the spell-caster himself. There is no way to channel 'magic' into a Muggle*, even temporarily. The mental focus, previous practice in spellwork, as well as open-mindedness to the possibility or existence of magic can only be performed by a witch or wizard. It's similar to a professional swimmer telling a first-time swimmer to—"

"All right, all right, I believe you," Uncle Vernon muttered. "BUT—you've _encouraged_ Dudley to do magic."

"I haven't—"

"So you're going to spend the rest of the day in your room. And it will be locked. And I've locked up your wand, too. Where you can't get it."

"Talking in sentence fragments doesn't make me feel any more intimidated," Harry yawned.

"To your room. Now."

**…**

Tap.

Tap.

Harry stirred in his sleep—it was past eleven o'clock. Was that an owl tapping at his window to get in? Why was it delivering a message so late? Forcing himself to awaken, he sat up and looked at his window. In the dim orange glow of the streetlights, he saw no owl, just the darkness that was partly thinned from the streetlights. Odd. It must have been his imagination, Harry told himself.

TAP.

The tap was louder this time. From her cage, there was a ruffle of feathers and an annoyed hoot from Hedwig; she didn't like been woken up after a night of hunting (she'd even brought Harry a nice mouse, and had been quite offended when he wouldn't eat it).

"Harry! Hey, Harry!"

Dudley was whispering hoarsely through the door.

"What is it?"

"I want to talk to you."

Harry hadn't feel this incredulous since the night that Hagrid had burst into the ocean-battered hut and told him he was a wizard. Dudley sounded…well, not friendly, per se, but at least cordial. And he wanted to talk to Harry? The spectacled young wizard shook his head in amazement, but, "the door's locked" was all he said.

"I filched the key," Dudley whispered. "Can I come in?"

"Uh…sure," Harry said.

There was a metallic clink and then a click as Dudley unlocked the door and pushed his way in, closing it softly behind him. Harry turned on a nightlight that was too dim to attract attention in the hallway, but allowed him to see his cousin's face.

"What do you want?" Harry asked.

Without invitation, Dudley plunked down on the bed, almost knocking Harry over. The bed sank under his cousin's weight, but didn't give way.

"What was it like—what did it feel like when you found out you were a wizard?" Dudley asked quietly.

"Uh…"

"My parents are just furious. They knew, you heard that, but I guess they thought it would go away."

"Sounds familiar," Harry muttered off-handedly, still suspicious about Dudley's almost-friendly demeanor.

"Right. I'm scared, Harry. I thought I was—normal."

There was no doubt about it now. Dudley _did_ sound nervous.

"It's a lot to take in at first," Harry assured his cousin, briefly wondering what Ron and Hermione would think about what had transpired between the cousins. "But you get used to it, eventually. It's like moving to a new country, I guess. It seems weird at first, but it's not bad in the end."

"I need to know how to control my abilities," Dudley said. "Things might get pretty bad. I hope that Dordumble person can help."

"Dumbledore," Harry corrected. "And I have a feeling that Professor Dumbledore would say the best way to teach you is to send you to Hogwarts."

Dudley frowned in the dim light.

"My parents would send me to remote Alaska before they'd ever do that," he said darkly.

Harry gave his cousin a sympathetic glance; at the same time, however, he looked at the clock. It was almost midnight—almost the end of what had been a very, _very_ strange day. And for a boy who lived in the world of magic, that was saying a lot.


	4. A Strange Night at Privet Drive

Hi! I'm back! I know this is a short chapter but it's meant to be a transition between the two main 'halves' of the story (a bit like a Vanishing Cabinet, if you will :) ) Thank you ALL for the great reviews.

* * *

The tension in the house that night was so obvious that even Dudley, who was usually only focused on himself, noticed it. At dinner, Aunt Petunia shoved a plate containing bologna on white bread in front of Uncle Vernon, and gave Dudley and Harry each a sizzling steak. She even flashed a forced smile at Harry, immediately making Uncle Vernon scowl—he hated any little sign that someone in his family might _like_ Harry. It was obvious that he didn't pick up on the insincerity of the smile.

"Potatoes, Harry?" Aunt Petunia said in an excessively sweet voice, making Harry's eyes widen.

"Er, no, thank you," he said, exchanging a bewildered look with Dudley. Across the table, Uncle Vernon made a gagging sound.

"Something wrong, _Vernon_?" his wife asked nastily.

"Yeah," Uncle Vernon said. "I guess you really like…_wizards_ after all." He said 'wizards' as if it were some horrible, dirty term.

"No, you just overreacted! Maybe I _felt_ that way _then_, but I don't _now_, and you're mad at me for something from the past, before I even met you! You're a git!"

Uncle Vernon's face turned a deep shade of puce as Harry and Dudley began eating their food so fast that they nearly choked. They bolted from the kitchen right before the 'explosion' came.

Harry tried to get involved in _Quidditch Through the Ages_ and Dudley turned up the television at maximum volume, but the Dursley's argument couldn't be drowned out or ignored. The kitchen eventually fell silent, however; Aunt Petunia raced upstairs, slamming a door, and Uncle Vernon waddled into the greenhouse, muttering swears that not even Peeves the Poltergeist would dare to say.

The television suddenly snapped off, and Dudley carelessly let the remote slip from his fingers. He looked broodingly at nothing in particular. Harry looked at him curiously before returning to _Quidditch Through the Ages_; he couldn't remember a night when the television hadn't been on constantly.

Later that night, Harry dared to bring Hedwig down to the living room; Aunt Petunia was sulking upstairs and Uncle Vernon was scowling into his _Daily Mail_, oblivious to everything. Hedwig, glad to be out of her cage, flew in circles, hooting and chasing a toy Golden Snitch that Harry had gotten for her.

It wasn't until Hedwig very purposefully dropped the Snitch on Dudley's head that Dudley spoke.

"Dad, I'd like to go to Hogwarts."


	5. A Curious Coincidence

Harry waited for the inevitable explosion from Uncle Vernon, but it didn't come; Uncle Vernon instead grinned widely—and started laughing hysterically. Dudley stared at his father, and when Uncle Vernon finally managed to stop laughing, he spoke again.

"I mean it, Dad!" .

"My dear boy," Uncle Vernon replied, trying to sound grave and dignified, "your destiny is far greater than that! There is so much more for you at Stonewall!"

_Your destiny._ Harry choked back a laugh.

"Stonewall's so dull," Dudley said with a yawn. "The French teacher keeps going over the same lessons twice, the algebra teacher skipped to the end of our book, and the history teacher just babbles on about his political views…"

"My dear boy!" Uncle Vernon repeated. "So you're saying you aren't challenged enough? Things at Stonewall have gotten worse since I went there? No wonder your marks have been bad—your classes aren't up to your level of intelligence! Perhaps you'd be better at the Bridgewater Academy!"

"I want things to be _harder_," Dudley said in a derisive tone. "I just want to do something more _interesting_."

"Well, Bridgewater has an excellent variety of sports teams…you like soccer, don't you?" Uncle Vernon said quickly. "And they have a great debate club, you're very opinionated—I'm sure you'd like Bridgewater."

Harry had looked with amusement at Dudley's face when his uncle had mentioned sports. Dudley, who didn't exercise except for when he was forced to at Stonewall, in sports? And, Harry thought, again stifling a laugh, the only time Dudley was 'opinionated' was when he was bullying younger children, or saying nasty things about Harry to his friends.

Still, Harry couldn't help feeling a little sorry for Dudley. Hogwarts was the best school in the world, he was sure, and was never dull, barring History of Magic.

"I don't want to do sports!" Dudley grumbled. "It's bad enough I'm forced to do gym. And debate is for nerds."

"But think of where it could get you!" Uncle Vernon exclaimed, no doubt pandering to Dudley's ego. "Why, with _competent_ education, you could be Prime Minister someday!"

Harry couldn't restrain himself this time; he burst into laughter, earning himself a scathing glance from Uncle Vernon, who then went back to appealing to Dudley.

"No!" Dudley yelled. "I—want—to—go—to—Hogwarts!"

A picture of Uncle Vernon suddenly went flying—literally—from the mantle above the fireplace, and hit the said man in the head. Stunned, Uncle Vernon looked at Dudley with a terrified expression.

"My boy, calm yourself!" he begged.

"No! I hate Stonewall! H'come Harry gets to go learn magic and I don't?"

_You _know_ it's because none of you like me and want me out of the way,_ Harry thought but did not say.  
The recliner Uncle Vernon was sitting suddenly jerked, and a moment later, it bucked him off. Turning as pale as the Hogwarts ghosts, Uncle Vernon sat for a moment, stunned, and then managed to stand up.

"All r-r-right," he said in a shaky voice. "You c-c-can g-go!"

"Really?" Dudley said suspiciously?

"Yes!"

Harry nearly fainted. Dudley at Hogwarts?

Later that night (as Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon had another row), Harry wrote to Ron:

_Hi, Ron—_

_I hope you're doing well. Say hello to your family for me._

_Okay, now to the real reason I'm writing to you. Dudley—yes, THAT Dudley—is going to Hogwarts. (Stop laughing, I mean it!). He got an acceptance letter from Hogwarts, but it's a long story. I'll tell you on the Hogwarts Express, provided Dudley isn't hanging around, which he probably won't be. He never voluntarily stays with my unless he and his friends are trying to hit me. I bet he'll be in Slytherin and be very good friends with Malfoy and his gang._

_Cheerio_

_-Harry._

…

A few days later, the Dursleys and Harry (who was only allowed to go because he knew Diagon Alley well) headed to the Leaky Cauldron. Aunt Petunia wrinkled her nose when they walked into the damp, dark pub. Harry swore he heard her say, "Just as dingy as last I saw it, of course…"

"Harry, Harry," Tom the innkeeper said, shaking his hand eagerly. "Glad to see you again. And these are-?"

"My cousin, he's going to Hogwarts, and they're my aunt and uncle," Harry answered.

"Splendid," Tom said. "Do you four want anything to drink? And maybe a sandwich or some biscuits?"

"No," Aunt Petunia said shortly. "Come along, Dudley. We won't keep Tom."  
" 'Ey, she know's my name!" Tom said cheerfully. " 'ope you've been saying good things about me, Harry," he teased.

Now that Harry really thought about it, he wondered how Aunt Petunia did know Tom's name; Harry had never mentioned him. Then again, he never said anything about Hogwarts. Until recently, it had only gotten him into trouble.

"Harry! Petunia!" Uncle Vernon suddenly called. "Come on, now. I don't want Dudders to loiter in this place." He was casting a wary eye over a hunch-backed hag.

Tom startled.

"Why, are you—were you—Petunia Evans?"

"Yes," Aunt Petunia muttered.

"Ah, I remember. You joined your sister the first year that she went to Diagon Alley! I know it's been many years since—well, you know—but I'd like to offer my condolences—Lily was such a sweet little th—"

"Quite," Aunt Petunia said acidly. "Harry, let's _go!_"

Mortified at his aunt's behavior, Harry turned his back on her and began tapping the bricks in far wall of the pub. Immediately a hole opened up and he and the Dursleys were squinting into the brilliant sunlight.

Harry actually smiled to see the amazed look on his cousin's face as they stepped into Diagon Alley. Dudley was looking in every direction, and kept looking at the shops as he walked, which resulted in his nearly knocking over a stern-looking witch. It was lucky Dudley hadn't knocked her over; she was carrying a large glass jar of pickled eels.

"Jars of eels," Uncle Vernon muttered. "Tell me that's not what these lunatics eat?"

"It's for potions," Harry snapped.

"Fat lot of good that'll do you, in the real world," Uncle Vernon answered.

"Actually, eels are used in a potion that cures hair loss," Harry said sharply, looking significantly at his uncle's near balding head.

"Don't you be insulting me, boy," Uncle Vernon said.

"Then stop insulting my world."

"Enough, you two," Aunt Petunia commanded, glaring at Uncle Vernon and Harry. "Let's get started, finally."

The first thing the Dursleys had to do was, of course, to go to Gringott's and exchange British Muggle currency for galleons, sickles, and knuts. Uncle Vernon eyed every goblin suspiciously, though he did look greedily at the rubies and diamonds being measured. Aunt Petunia gazed across the lobby with a bored expression as a wizened goblin helped Dudley 'convert' pounds into wizard currency.

"Barkin' mad, the lot of them," Uncle Vernon said loudly as they stepped into Diagon Alley. "Are you sure those gallybonds are real gold? I didn't like the look on those goblins' faces…"

Harry cringed as several witches and wizards glared in Uncle Vernon's direction, and wished he could sink into the ground.

"I'm sure they're real gold," Aunt Petunia was saying, placating her husband. "The first time we were here, Lily told me the goblins do all sorts of spells to—"

But just what the goblins did, Harry never knew. Aunt Petunia abruptly stopped talking and pressed her lips together. She said no more about her sister or magic as she, her husband, and the two boys headed to Madame Malkin's robe shop.

"Hello, Mr. Potter," Madame Malkin said cheerfully. "New robes this year, dear?"

"No," Aunt Petunia spoke before Harry could answer. "My Dudley is going to Hogwarts, and I want him to have the best of what's available. Dumbledore granted him special permission to start late, my boy's talents just started showing up."

Harry rolled his eyes behind his aunt's back. Evidently her only comfort in having Dudley going to Hogwarts against her will was that she had something to brag about. Dudley gave a flattered smile to Madame Malkin and then turned to smirk at Harry, as if to say, "I bet I'll be better at magic than you."

"Our robes are made of the finest cloth available, hand-woven, and tailored for each student," Madame Malkin said. "Come here, Dudley," she continued in a friendly tone.

A few minutes later, Dudley's measurements were finished, and Madame Malkin bowed them out of the shop, promising that the robes would be ready the next day, and reassuring Aunt Petunia yet again about the quality.

The Dursleys and Harry were heading to Flourish and Blott's when Ron and Hermione hurtled toward the latter.

After enthusiastic greetings (and a hug from Hermione which nearly squeezed the breath out of Harry), Ron and Hermione finally noticed the Dursleys.

"So, this is your cousin, Harry?" Hermione said in a friendly voice, but Harry saw Ron with his face screwed up, as if trying not to laugh; he'd heard so many unflattering stories about Dudley from Harry.

"Yeah, this is Dudley," Harry said diplomatically. "Dudley, this is Hermione and Ron."

As Dudley greeted Hermione and Ron with an awkward "Hello", Uncle Vernon moved aside a little, as if afraid to be associated with yet more of the wizarding type.

Aunt Petunia, however cast a disapproving look over Ron's clean but faded robes and scuffed, slightly tatty shoes. Ron's face turned as red as his hair and he moved to walk away, muttering something about meeting his family at the Apothecary.

"Bye," Harry said, giving Ron an apologetic smile. "See you on the Hogwarts Express."

"Bye," Ron said, hurrying away.

"I have to go the apothecary, too. I need more unicorn hair," Hermione said in a neutral voice, but then whispered to Harry: "Don't let them get you down. We'll see you soon enough "Thanks, Hermione," Harry smiled gratefully.

"All right, Harry, where next?" Uncle Vernon said impatiently as Hermione hurried away.

"We'll get Dudley's books, the shop's right down there," Harry said, pointing toward Flourish and Blott's.

There were books for the students who'd been admitted late; the amazed shopkeeper informed the Dursleys that no Hogwarts student had come for these books in fifteen years. Harry snorted into his arm as the shopkeeper gave Dudley an admiring look, and Aunt Petunia beamed at her son.

"I always knew my son was destined for greatness," she said importantly. "_He_ could be Minister of Magic someday."

Aunt Petunia smiled triumphantly at Harry, thinking she had put Harry 'in his place' by suggesting that he wouldn't be nearly as good as his cousin. Harry gazed back levelly.

Last of all, the party went into Ollivandor's Wand Shop. Aunt Petunia looked at the dusty counter and chairs with a look of disgust, hastily using a Kleenex to dust off the chair that Dudley was to sit on

There was an eager expression on the portly boy's face, but Mr. Ollivander, in his faint, distant voice, spoke to Harry first.

"Glad to see you again, Mr. Potter. Might I inquire as to why I receive the pleasure of your company?"

Uncle Vernon snorted derisively at his last words.

"My cousin's going to Hogwarts," Harry said quickly. "Dudley Dursley."

Dudley came forward nervously, looking around the dark, too-silent shop.

"A pleasure to meet you, I'm sure," Mr. Ollivander said. "Have a seat."

Squinting at Dudley. he took a long box from the shelf behind him and removed the wand from it.

"Ash, thirteen inches, with a unicorn hair core," Mr. Ollivander said, giving it to Dudley, who sat in confusion, not knowing what to do.

"Give it a wave, then," Mr. Ollivander said.

Dudley gave the wand a swish, with no result. Four more wands followed, and Uncle Vernon was muttering impatiently under his breath.

"Now try this," Mr. Ollivander said. "Willow, twelve inches, with a phoenix feather core."

An audible gasp came from Aunt Petunia, and everyone looked in her direction, all startled except for Mr. Ollivander.

"Why, you're Lily Evans's sister," Mr. Ollivander said in a misty voice. "Lily's wand was the same wood, and the same core, too…curious…"

"Indeed," Aunt Petunia said coolly.

"Ah, yes," Mr. Ollivander said, sounding much like Tom the bartender. "I remember now, you were with her when she bought her wand…queer, how some things work out…"

Perhaps it was Harry's imagination, since the shop was very dim, but he was sure that his aunt's eyes suddenly looked very misty, and she turned her head. Meanwhile, Dudley was sitting with the wand in his hand, looking uncomfortable.

"Try it out, Mr. Dursley," Mr. Ollivander said, as if suddenly remembering that Dudley was in the shop.

Dudley gave the wand a graceful swish, and white and blue sparks suddenly shot out of the end, sending flashes of light all around, making the dust motes in the air look like glitter. A grin grew on Dudley's face, and Harry actually gave him a congratulatory smile.

"It works, Mum, this is my wand! And it's just like Aunt Lily's, isn't that strange?" Dudley said in a rush.

"Hmm," Aunt Petunia said in a strangled voice, and the others gazed after her in shock as she bolted form the shop, slamming the door behind her.

"Don't mind your mother, she's gone emotional again," Uncle Vernon said irritably to Dudley, and Harry was horrified at his crass manner. Evidently Dudley was as well.

"I think she misses Aunt Lily, Dad," he said quietly, and Harry was surprised that Dudley could be so perceptive.

It was very late in the afternoon when the Dursleys and Harry returned to Privet Drive. Aunt Petunia, whom they'd found in Florean Fortescue's ice cream parlor, gazing stonily into the distance, wasn't talking to anyone. She didn't even respond after her son offered a few timid words of sympathy.

Dudley spent all night in the living room, reading over his potions book ("I want to see what I can do to any little git that gets in my way!" he'd exclaimed), while Harry sat in his room, Hedwig on his shoulder, reading a book about owl care, which he'd purchased at Flourish and Blott's.

The following two weeks until the new term at Hogwarts began was the most uncomfortable time Harry, and Dudley too, he was sure, had ever had at Privet Drive. Aunt Petunia was silent and distant, and Uncle Vernon, who didn't mask his disgust at his wife's attitude, spent most nights working overtime at Grunning's, something he'd never done before. Both Harry and Dudley were relieved when they were standing on platform 9 and ¾.

Of course Harry was greeted by all of his friends, and had to keep introducing Dudley—which he didn't mind, but it got tiring after a while. Also, Dudley was rather standoffish; he'd always been suspicious of anyone who liked Harry. Evidently the brief comradery that had come during the shock of Dudley finding out he was a wizard was over, but Harry felt indifferent.

"Well, the 'chosen one' has come back," a sarcastic, bored voice drawled, and Draco Malfoy walked up, smirking at Harry.

"Of course I came back," Harry said, snorting derisively.

"What are you going to unleash upon the students this year?" Draco continued, baiting Harry.

"You know I had nothing to do with the Chamber of Secrets."

"You knew enough about it to get Dumbledore's praise. Then again, you've _always_ been his pet."

"Drop it, Malfoy," Harry hissed.

"Temper, temper, Harry," Dudley suddenly said, causing both boys to jump. "You'd better behave yourself if you want to stay in school."

Draco looked from Harry to Dudley.

"Do you know this boy, Potter?" he sneered, giving pudgy-faced Dudley a look of disdain.

"He's-he's my cousin," Harry said quickly.

"Only by coincidence," Dudley said quickly.

Draco now seemed more friendly toward Dudley.

"It's nice to meet someone who isn't pandering to the famous Harry Potter. Why don't you stick with me, I'll introduce you to the right sort of people."

"Okay," Dudley said quickly, and Draco led Dudley to a group of Slytherin students, among them Crabb and Goyle, Pansy Parkinson and Blaise Zabini.

"Why didn't you tell him not to go about with Malfoy, Harry?"

Harry turned to see Hermione come up beside him; she was giving him a questioning look.

"You don't know Dudley. He'd never listen to me. He gravitates toward people who don't like me."

"Well," Hermione said soothingly, "when classes start, at least you two won't run into each other very much. I've heard that being a late starter is _very_ difficult, he'll be studying hours every day if he really wants to make it."

They couldn't talk anymore, because the conductor was now calling everyone aboard. Students hurried to stow their trunks, last minute goodbyes were said, and Lee Johnson was running about frantically; he had lost his tarantula. Just before the final call, when a very discouraged Lee was about to give up, Ron came shrieking down the platform, the enormous spider clinging to his shoe.

Uncle Vernon gave Harry and Dudley a gruff, precursory goodbye, but Aunt Petunia, who normally usually made an emotional show of parting from Dudley when a new term at Stonewall began, only gave her son a very distant, almost cold farewell.

At last Dudley and Harry were on the train; Harry found a compartment with Ron, Hermione, and Luna, while Draco dragged Dudley away—not that Harry or anyone else regretted it.

The Hogwarts Express picked up speed and made its long journey back to Hogwarts.

* * *

I've had SO much fun writing this, but now the part I've been really looking forward to is coming! Which house will Dudley be sorted into? Will Dudley become part of Draco's gang? Will he even last at Hogwarts?


	6. The Sorting Hat Decides

By the time the Hogwarts students were approaching the doors of the Great Hall, word had spread that famous Harry Potter's cousin was going to Hogwarts. Harry heard whisperings about himself and Dudley.

"Which one's Potter's cousin?" a Syltherin student said curiously.

"It must be that chubby blonde kid—over there—I saw Potter wave to him when everyone was getting off the train."

"I wonder if he'll be better at magic than Potter. Late admission, that's rare!" a Ravenclaw student had said, not noticing that Harry was just a few feet in front of her.

Luna Lovegood* dropped beside Harry, Hermione and Ron to say with her trademark blunt honesty:

"Your cousin doesn't look very smart. Is he smart, Harry?"

"Er…" Harry said. "He might be, he did get admitted late."

There was no time to say anything more. The students had pushed through the doors of the Great Hall and were coming up to the tables. Luna walked to the Ravenclaw table with a parting wave. Harry, Ron and Hermione sat next to a pompous-looking Percy, who immediately seized Harry's hand and said:

"How excellent, your cousin being admitted to Hogwarts! No student has gotten late admission in fifteen years. Even Cornelious Fudge has been informed."

"Fascinating," Harry said politely, just as the first years lined up in front of the Sorting Hat. Professor McGonagall went through the list; ten minutes later she called out, "Dudley, Dursley!"

Dudley, who looked even more enormous in the sea of 'regular' first years, stumbled to the stool and managed to sit on it without falling off. He dropped the Sorting Hat onto his head.

"A difficult one," the Hat said; Dudley jumped a little when it spoke. "Not quite as clever as might be expected, but enough to get you special admission…a bit of a bully, but not completely bad…probably just a matter of upbringing…I think that once you start your classes you really will want a challenge. You'll find magic fascinating, not like those silly lessons in Muggle schools."

"Just get it over with," Dudley heard himself mutter nervously.

"…I don't think you're one for Ravenclaw. Nor Slytherin either. It's either Hufflepuff or Gryffindor now, of course. What a quandary! Well, just out of family tradition—"

The other students, who now looked impatient, suddenly heard the Hat shout:

"_Gryffindor!_"

"Potter's cousin's in Gryffindor!" said the Ravenclaw who student had spoken earlier. The crowd of students began to murmur loudly, and Dumbledore had to silence them by setting off several Exploding Snaps (much to the delight of Fred and George).

Dudley hurried as well as he could to the Gryffindor table, looking nervous. He managed to squeeze between Harry and Seamus Finnigan, who surveyed him curiously.

At last, Ginny became the last student and the last Gryfinndor to be sorted, Dumbldore gave a funny speech, and a few minutes later, the food magically appeared on the table. Harry and Ron had to stifle laughter when they saw Dudley staring at the array with a mixture of disbelief and delight, his mouth hanging open in surprise.

"This food is way better than at Smelting's," Dudley said reverently to no one in particular, taking a huge bite of chicken pie, and then swallowing a garlic dumpling without chewing.

"Yeah, it's pretty good," Harry said lamely, a little embarrassed at his cousin's huge appetite and poor table manners.

"I bean, really," Dudley said through a mouthful of fried pickles, "it's abazing. Sbeltings food was nebber dis good."

He finally swallowed, and then took a swig of pumpkin juice. He proceeded to talk about how mediocre the Smelting's cuisine was, but the others were chattering away.

When the dessert appeared on the table, Dudley hardly had room enough to eat more than a treacle tart and a slice of blueberry turnover. Later, as Percy lead the Gryffindors up to their dormitory, Harry heard Dudley complaining about a sore stomach.

"Did you try the fried mushrooms, Harry?" Dudley asked absently, rolling into a bed across from Harry's.  
"Yeah," said Harry. "Listen, if you start feeling really sick, let me know—I'll take you to the hospital wing."

"Okay," Dudley said with a groan.

Fifteen minutes later, Dudley and Harry walked into the hospital wing, and Madame Pomfrey had her first patient of the term. She looked at Dudley with great disapproval as he complained about his stomach, and Harry swore he heard her say under her breath, "We need healthier meals, but no,.Dumbledore believes in indulging the students. If I had the say in what to serve…"

She gave Dudley a nasty-looking potion that would settle his stomach. Dudley swallowed it all in once gulp, and made a terrible face.

"What's _in_ this stuff?" he demanded, looking appalled.

Madame Pomfrey, still shaking her head in disapproval, said with a grim expression:

"Powdered earthworm and extract of beetle. If you want to avoid this, you'll be wise to control your eating habits."

Dudley turned white and nearly fainted.

"Overindulgence, I tell you…maybe I _will_ have a word with Dumbledore," Madame Pomfrey muttered.

And that was the start of Dudley's term at Hogwarts.

* * *

*I know Luna wasn't introduced until OOTP, but she's my favorite character, so :)

A commenter pointed out that I'd been writing in my earlier chapters that Dudley went to Stonewall. He went to Smeltings. I apologize for this mistake. :)

I was originally going to put Dudley in Hufflepuff, but I've always liked the Harry/Dudley dynamic, so I thought it would be easier to pull off if Duddlykins was in the same House.


	7. Author's note

Hi, everyone!

I know it's been a LONG time since I updated. I've been super busy trying to find a job plus working on an original story I want to have published. I'll have a new installment in mid-November, plus fix some canon errors.

Ta for now!


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